Confessions

I think (relatively) cheap milk chocolate is delicious.

Since I was 17, I have never gone more than six months without smoking a cigarette. I doubt that I ever will. I just find the whole experience so pleasurable.

I deliberately only answer my mobile sporadically because I don't want people to think they can always get in touch with me easily.

If I don't have my planner, I don't even know my class schedule, let alone what I have planned. Even now at the end of May.

I almost never punch bus tickets. I justify this with my intense hatred of BKV.

I cry just all of the time, at least weekly, generally because of some dumb frustration.

I absolutely despise all the extra skin left over on my body. So much.

Sunshine makes me so happy, but I don't really like to be in it. I prefer to be sort of sun-adjacent.

End of year

It is the end of the school year, so of course I am crazy busy with a variety of things: grades, reports, getting our magazine published, etc. Plus, I have a chest cold that I just can't seem to shake. So please forgive me for not blogging last week. I spent the week coughing pathetically and doing paperwork. Then on Friday I went to Madrid, which was gorgeous, and which I will write several posts on. The two days since I've been back, I have once again passed the time coughing and doing paperwork. So please forgive me if I'm a bit absent.

Foreign Language Center

I spent this weekend in Madrid. The first morning, I went to the supermarket. Happily chattering away to the cashier, I realized she was looking at me strangely. Then I realized I was speaking Hungarian, not Spanish.

Last night in the taxi ride home, I was chattering away to the driver when I realized that she hadn't responded in awhile. Sure enough, I was speaking Spanish, not Hungarian.

It's always been fascinating to me how closely my foreign languages live together in my brain, and how they invade each other without my realizing it. I even wrote about it a bit in my masters thesis (I love that it is called the "talk foreign phenomenon").  It is somewhat disconcerting to realize that your mouth has been doing something that you didn't mean to tell it to do.

Disconnect

Facebook is starting to get weird.

On the one hand, I have people back home buying houses and cars, getting engaged and married, having babies, and even debating the virtues of various schools for their children. This is crazy to me. The concept of owning a bed freaked me out and continues to strike me as a major inconvenience. I cannot imagine owning a house or a car, let alone being responsible for another human being's life and happiness. Even on a lesser note, the idea of having a vacation at an all-exclusive resort or on a cruise holds little appeal to me, and it seems to hold a great deal of appeal for so many people if Facebook is to be believed. I also do not understand the cult of diet-and-fitness and with it the need to check-in at the gym or list a number of pounds lost, though I do of course understand the desire to be fit and healthy. So I look at the people I knew in the States on Facebook, and while I respect and admire their lives, I cannot relate to them.

On the other hand, I have people abroad posting about every single little aspect of life abroad. This is something that I certainly used to do, and it is perfectly natural for those new to the lifestyle to be confused and amazed by the whole thing, and to write about it. It's just all become so natural to me, that I don't react to it the same way anymore. When I speak a foreign language, or experience bureaucracy, or see some cultural event, or whatever, it's all so normal for me here in Europe. Europe has become normal for me, and while one part of me misses that novelty (obviously, if I'm running off seeking new adventures in Asia), another part of me appreciates how very comfortable I am in this life I've made for myself.

So, soon, I'll be part of a new group of "new kids" gaping wide-eyed at my new life in Korea. And then that will become normal, and the folks in the States will be sending their kids to primary and middle school, and getting their first divorces, and buying bigger houses, and so on. And I'll go somewhere else, and then that will become normal, too. I just sort of wonder if the "normal normal," if you will- house, family, kids, garden, etc.- will ever become something I want to do, or if I'll just nomad about forever.

Hard to tell, really. Either one would be fine. I'm just, honestly, curious sometimes, because I really don't know.

Eurovision

Every year all the countries of Europe (and "Europe" as countries like Azerbaijan and Israel are also invited) get together and sing in an international contest hosted by the previous year's winner. Most of the songs are cheesy pop music. Political themes are not allowed, so love, working together, and it's-all-gonna-be-ok are common topics. Occasionally countries do something totally crazy: Russia sent a trio of elderly babushkas, there was a dj turkey puppet, and once Finnish death metal won. There are pyrotechnics, smoke and wind machines, and velcro costume changes.

Last night I got together with my friends to watch this year's show. We played a bingo game to the show, drank ridiculous cocktails, and had a lot of fun. Sadly, the show was rather sedate. Finland included a lesbian kiss, Romania sent an operatic vampire, and Azerbaijan put a man inside a glass box... But beyond that everyone was quite chill. Spain even sent one of my favorite bands, but Eurovision was not the place for them. Sigh.

Star Trek: Into Darkness

Last night I went to see the new Star Trek film, Into Darkness. It was great fun. Were there some plot holes and ridiculous bits? Of course. I, however, have always been very good at suspending my disbelief and just enjoying the ride in a film. This was no exception. I laughed a lot, enjoyed a large amount of tension, and gasped at the action sequences. The interactions between these beloved characters are great. Benedict Cumberbatch made a great, scary villain. It was an uplifting film, that really got the spirit of "space for science and exploration" correct.

If I would have one large criticism with the two new Star Trek entries, it would be that they make space appear too small. Sure, they have the benefit of warp drives, but being able to get to the Klingon home world in just a minute or so, and then being able to see the planet with the human eye from the edge of their neutral space, makes space seem less magnificent than it is. I don't know how they would fix this in a film with time constraints, but if space could seem as awesome, terrifying, and huge as it actually is, I think it would impart greater stakes.

Questions

At the end of every school year, we film our students speaking in English. The videos are all put on one DVD, so every year the students and their parents can watch them and see how they have improved and progressed in their spoken English. This year, with my seventh graders, one of the things on the videos is the "random question" section. They have to give me three numbers between one and ten and answer the question that matches that number. I thought it would be fun to answer the questions myself (excluding the two that are just really studenty).

1. If you could have any super power, what would you choose and why? Teleportation, because this the only correct answer for obvious reasons.
2. What annoys you? Many things, really. Too many things. The number one at the moment is that I can never talk about my quest for fitness badassery. The moment I say anything about it people groan and roll their eyes. And, yes, I know how annoying it can be, but I try really hard to keep it to a minimum. I've never once made an "at the gym" or "on a run" FB status, for example. But I do spend 12-15 hours per week working out! It's a huge part of my life, and I'd love it if I could even just mention it.
3. What is your greatest fear? (one silly, one serious) Now that I've mostly gotten over the clown thing, my silly fear is deep space/black holes. It's not even a fear, exactly, more just that I feel quite anxious and uncomfortable when considering the infinite void. A serious fear (besides death, obviously)? I fear that I won't ever be able to forgive someone for how they have hurt me. I've tried, and thus far I just cannot get over it. I'd love to. I'm so afraid I won't.
4. What is your greatest hope? (one silly, one serious) I hope that the rest of my time here in Budapest goes smoothly and that I have a lot of fun and a few more awesome journeys in Europe with Lyla and my Dad. A more serious hope is that I someday find myself living happily somewhere for more than a few years at a time. I'm starting to get the settle-down urge, but I'm afraid of it.
5. What animal best represents you and why? A lot of my students said some variation on dog, and I don't disagree. Loyal, distrustful of strangers, floppy, happy, protective of those I love, competitively obedient...
6. When was the last time you were really happy? I think that I am generally happy. The last time I remember feeling really completely happy and at peace, though, was in Montenegro in November. Lyla and I climbed up this mountain, and I could do it without much difficulty, which was amazing in and of itself. The views from the fortress at the top of the mountain were incredible, of the fjord bay curving out to the sea. It was cold, but the sun and the breeze were warm. I just sat there and hung my legs over the side of this ancient place and looked at the water, felt the wind move my hair and the sun warm my cheeks, and listened to the silence all around. Slowly, everything inside of me just sort of stopped, and I just existed for awhile. No inner chatter, no worry, no self-hate, no planning, no stress. I just was. It was pretty amazing, and I just felt like nothing in the world could hurt me. (It makes the next day pretty ironic.)
7. When do you feel best about yourself? When I am lifting free weights. I look down at my strong body and I feel invincible when I shove something heavy above my own head. Also, when I laugh with some of my favorite students.
8. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would make myself less severe. I hold myself to really, really high standards. I try not to do the same to others, but I do. My face can tend to look stressed, even when I'm just relaxed. I don't like it, and I think that it limits me. On a superficial note, I would get rid of this darn extra skin under my upper arms, because it is gross.

Oh, sweet Lord

The doctor says something. I stare at him blankly.

He says something else. I think I understand "dust mites." I stare at him blankly.

He pats my hand and says "You have too many itsy-bitsy bugs in your eyelash holes." This time, I understand. I wish I didn't. Ugh. What a gross infection to have!

Medicine

I swear to God, if I could ever just get damned medical care for a simple problem without having to go to at least three different places and being forced to take days and days off work, I would eat my own shirt. And die of damned shock.

Too many parties

Talk about a middle-class problem, right? I'm so worn out from all the socializing I've been doing!

On Thursday I went to pub quiz. On Friday I went to Jaci's going-away party, and then to a private Karaoke party where we rented a room and sang all night long. On Saturday we finally had the brunch we won at pub quiz a month ago, and then I helped friends get things tailored (and dropped off some of my own things), and then there was a graduation party in the evening. I was so tired that I headed home before midnight, and slept from 1 AM until noon.

Granted I had a lot of fun, and even managed to not spend all of my money doing so! But damn if I'm not tired.

Two Schools

I hate working at the high school. Don't get me wrong, my partner teacher is fantastic, and I love getting to teach Spanish with official support, textbooks, and a curriculum. It's just the running about, the sprinting between the high school and Krudy, and the feeling like a totally despised and left-out weirdo at the high school since I just run in there three times a week to teach a single lesson before running away again. It's the worst thing about this year, for sure.

Pub Quiz

Every second Thursday I go to Pub Quiz, where my team "Let's Get Quizzical" is awesome and usually places in the top three and sometimes even wins. We answer questions, have a cider or two, and get angry at the inept Quizmaster. It is super fun, and it is definitely something I will miss once I have gone. Here is to the ridiculously long film and song clips, the stupid answers to lateral thinking questions, and a regular meeting with friends!

Simplicity

It was storming. The power went out. I lit a candle and continued to read. Eventually the power came back on.

I had nothing to reset, plug in, or anything. I even let the candle continue to burn.

I cooked today

And I don't just mean that I pan-seared some chicken breast and teamed it up with steamed veg and quinoa, or tossed some whole-grain pasta with (yup) pan-seared chicken breast and steamed veg. I mean that I actually combined many ingredients and spices to create something beautiful, and delicious, and still rather healthy. And it felt really good. I need to remember how awesome food can be!

One-Way Ticket

I have a one-way ticket to leave Hungary on the 29th of July.

I do not yet have all of my paperwork submitted for Korea. I do not yet have my official placement. I do not yet have a visa. I'm trying really hard to not be stressed about the whole thing.

I was thinking about it, and I figured that worst-case scenario, I could always crash on my dad's sofa or whatever and find a job for January somewhere. I thought to myself, "I can stay 90 days in the States, no problem." Then I remembered: I'm an American citizen. I can stay in the States for as long as I want, no visa required. Funny.

Sorority Sisters

In college, I was in a sorority. This is generally surprising for people who know me nowadays, which is probably due to my current staidness or to a misconception of sororities. Probably both. My sorority days were fun and helped me to grow. I wouldn't take them back, especially because they also brought me my darling little.

Since I've been in Budapest, I have had two people come into town from Lycoming. Both of them have wound up being sorority sisters. On Friday Abbey messaged me and told me she'd be in town on Saturday. It was a surprise for sure. We managed to meet up for some tasty lunch at Magdalena Merlo's and then again for an improvised tour of Budapest's pub scene. It was so funny to catch up and reminisce with someone I haven't seen since 2008!

Ok, now this is no longer funny

I've been naturally awake for like two hours now. Seriously, the inability to sleep in on a weekend is starting to grate the nerves. I miss the luxuriousness of it all. It's not even that I'm tired and need the sleep, I just want it! Oh well, I guess I'll get in some extra gym time before I'm off to meet Abbey, who is in town for the day!

Doctor Who

I love Doctor Who. It's a great show. That being said, I really think it is about time for Moffat to step down as showrunner, because I am growing so very tired of episodes and storylines being wrapped up with some ridiculous timey-wimey nonsense. It's a cheat, and it makes stories matter less when they're just "erased."

Also, if Moffat decides to make Sherlock not dead through some time-based trickery, I'll break things.

(Apologies to my readers that have no idea what I'm talking about!)

May 1st in Esztergom

Yesterday was a national holiday throughout Europe (Labor Day) so Lyla and I took advantage of the day off to get out of town. We headed up to Esztergom, a town on the Hungarian-Slovakian border and the seat of the Hungarian Catholic Church. After our rather hot and miserable bus ride, we arrived to the (as always) terrifying bus terminal. Once we wandered into the downtown, however, all was beautiful and well. We got a snack and then wandered across the bridge into Slovakia. I do get such a kick out of walking to another country. Walking across the bridge also offers the best view of the magnificent basilica, which is the third largest in Europe. There was also a chill pigeon on the railing, and I touched his tail feather, thus accomplishing my childhood dream of someday touching a wild bird.

We wandered around the border town a bit. It was sort of strange, as always: a few restaurants, fireworks for sale, casinos and strip clubs. Ah, border towns. Extra funny was seeing all the typical Hungarian street names translated into Slovak. We also stumbled across the Communist cemetery, which rows of Cyrillic gravestones and a huge Soviet-Realist statue.

We headed back into Hungary and had some yummy lunch at a pizzeria. Next, we climbed up the hill and visited the enormous and beautiful basilica, taking in some great views of the Danube from the patio around the church. Then we caught the bus back to Budapest, and I had a little bit of heat stroke and stumbled about for a bit. It was a great day.

Zumba

Today at Zumba lesson there was a new lady, and she wound up next to me. At one point she messed up again. She laughed and told me that I made it look easy. I asked, "Who? Me?" and then I tripped over my own feet. (I am starting to really love it, though!)