Fixing My Back

When I'm stressed out, my shoulders shoot up to my ears, my jaw clenches, and my hands flex into little claws. Then I realize I'm doing that, and forcibly shove my shoulders down and hold them there until I get distracted, when they shoot right back up. I've been stressed, lately. My life is... strange. I don't know what's going to happen in it. For the first time in a long time, I've been left without a clear, step-by-step plan of action. I despise this. I'm so bad at "living in the moment" and "taking things one step at a time" and all that nonsense new-age bullshit.

I'm not crazy about my job, and in a way I've never experienced before. There are certain ridiculous elements to my job: having to say hello and goodbye to the vice principal and principal upon arriving to and leaving work come to mind. But the ridiculous aspects of my job are actually few and not so extreme here: I am paid decently and on time, I work a set number of hours, I teach a set number of lessons, I have a curriculum to follow, nobody expects me to mentor several new teachers, my commute is reasonable, I'm at only one school, my boss doesn't hound me, so on and et cetera. So I have none of the problems I used to have in past jobs. The problem is simple here: I'm bored. My job is repetitive and unchallenging. I have too much downtime at work, which I can't spend doing things that are visibly not-work. I'm bored, and it's driving me batty.

And it's not that I haven't looked for more to do at work. I have tried to expand my role, create more lessons, and modify things. But I'm generally not allowed to, because it's all about that end-of-year exam, and so we have to run slavishly but quickly through this state-mandated curriculum. Other parts of it can't be helped: I have to do each lesson six times because I teach six sixth-grade classes. There is nothing to be done about that.

I'm still considering signing a contract for a second year. I'm 99% sure that I will, in fact. Because there are reasons to stay: I can save a bit of money. I can travel around Asia. I can take part in professional development. There are people here to whom I wish to remain near. I can learn a new language, no matter how much it refuses to stick, and experience a totally different culture with all of its frustrations and beauty.

But, yeah, stress. On Saturday I just sort of arched my back, and my neck went into a spasm that, frankly, terrified me. I haven't felt that sort of intense, sudden pain EVER when not associated with a broken bone or a brain-stem infection. My neck stabbed pain that felt physical and cold as it ran down and spread over my shoulder. While that level of pain went away after a minute or two, it continued to throb horribly for twenty or so minutes and was still tender and sore on Monday.

So when my friend Amanda invited me to go to the chiropractor with her, I jumped on the chance. Maybe some new-age bullshit was just what I needed, after all.

First, the doctor observed me in a marked mirror, to see how crooked I was. He tsked. I smirked. Then he had me lay on a table and he cracked my back, twice. He rubbed my neck and shoulders and then cracked my neck, assassin-style, to the right and left. Then to the right again. Next, I lay face-down on an adjustable table while he pulled on my legs and arms, then I flipped over and he pushed hard on my stomach. Then it was time for acupuncture. Oddly enough, I couldn't even feel the needles go into my skin, except for one tiny pinch on the small of my back. When they went in, though, a tingle went out from that site. It was strange. Suction cups were also applied, leaving me marked.

I lay with the needles for awhile, then they were removed and I was given ultrasound by a tech. Ultrasound is the weirdest thing. It always leaves me a bit flummoxed: does it hurt, or is it just something we're not used to? (How much of what we call pain is actually that, and how much of it is just being scared of a new feeling?) Then little ultrasound suction cups were clapped onto my shoulders and hips. They moved and made little gurgling noises while tingling me gently. It was like being made love to by sea creatures. Finally there was some time with a heating pad, and a few more stretches.

The whole hour-and-ten-minutes treatment cost me 7000 won (about 7 bucks) with insurance.

I had no idea what to expect, so I kept making little squeaks and exclamations as I was startled with one thing after another. It was nice, though. I think I'll go back.