As most of you know, my birthday generally sucks. It's often the first day of work/school, and I'm usually in a new place with new friends whom it would still be awkward to ask to celebrate my existence. So it goes mostly unnoticed, with perhaps a coffee from some well-meaning soul. And I know that's normal, but it still makes me a bit sad. I try to make a huge deal out of people's birthdays, because I think they are important, and everyone likes to know that others are glad they exist. I had a birthday cake for my twenty-sixth birthday, because I more or less demanded it of Bill, but before that I hadn't had even a cake in years. Adulthood is super boring.
As a result, I usually celebrate my half-birthday. I make a nice dinner, and invite all my friends out, and we have a party. It's a fun way to break up the monotony of the winter, and I get to feel like I'm celebrating my existence.
This year, though, with all the hubbub of the new school year starting, deskwarming, that freaking door on my classroom, and several of my friends and boyfriend moving away... I forgot about it. I totally forgot about my half birthday, and passed the day with nary a thought to my own mortality and special-snowflakeness. I woke up this morning and realized I should change my calendar to March, and then I noticed.
It sounds self-centered, I know, but it made me really sad. I forgot the made-up holiday I created to replace the real holiday that gets more-or-less forgotten every year. And, right now, I could use a bit of attention. I'm sad and a bit scared. I could use a hug and a bit of acknowledgement that I do exist and matter.
As a result, I usually celebrate my half-birthday. I make a nice dinner, and invite all my friends out, and we have a party. It's a fun way to break up the monotony of the winter, and I get to feel like I'm celebrating my existence.
This year, though, with all the hubbub of the new school year starting, deskwarming, that freaking door on my classroom, and several of my friends and boyfriend moving away... I forgot about it. I totally forgot about my half birthday, and passed the day with nary a thought to my own mortality and special-snowflakeness. I woke up this morning and realized I should change my calendar to March, and then I noticed.
It sounds self-centered, I know, but it made me really sad. I forgot the made-up holiday I created to replace the real holiday that gets more-or-less forgotten every year. And, right now, I could use a bit of attention. I'm sad and a bit scared. I could use a hug and a bit of acknowledgement that I do exist and matter.
We've never been particularly close, but right now seems as good as time as any to tell you how much I enjoy your blog posts. Your insights, frankness, openness, and good humor have always been a source of envy for me. Each update is a small spark of happiness in my day.
ReplyDeleteI know it's not your birthday. Or your half birthday. But I wish you a very merry unbirthday nonetheless.